So my past 5 and a half months coming home have been interesting. Good and bad. But all in all, its been transitions.
Truthfully? It’s exhausting. I am a genuinely positive person. I am a go getter. I like making things happen. I like saying yes. I like taking the lead.
In all honesty, lying in a bed for four days while taking naps, having good beers, and letting myself off the hook sounds like the best idea known to human kind.
See, in American culture, for the most part, we suck at transitions.
Well, let me rephrase. We suck at coming OUT of a stable position/environment/settting to a new setting/pose/action.
Yes, that is loaded with metaphors and anaologies. What I mean by all of this is that one of the constant struggles on this planet is how to transition into the unknown. How to transition into the abyss of “I don’t know.”
I did the Partnership Explorations course at Landmark about 3 years ago. It was one of the most critical thinking and subtlety-explorative courses I have ever taken. I am glad I did at the time I did. In the course, one of the key things we navigate around is having to know all the answers. We look at how having to know it all is ruining your growth.
So, here I am at Starbucks writing this blog to remind myself that knowing it all won’t help me.
In fact, it may crush my exploration. It may be crushing my possibilities in life.
So, fucking fuck having to know it all. Learning to ride the waves of this life is a HUGE component of breaking the outer shells of “knowing it all.” It requires commitment, malleability, fear, risks, upsets, anger, denial, rage, and triumphs along the way.
Sam Simahk, one of the most kind and gentle souls on this planet said to me once, “When you are in a show, it’s a break from your job. Auditioning is your job.”
It had me thinking about Transitions in my career. Coming home to Fargo and soon to be Grand Forks, my knowledge of the body and skill sets is unique and different.
My job right now is the auditioning of people knowing who I am . It’s getting my voice out there. It’s failing and failing and letting go of places and people that don’t work. It’s trusting that my ass will land in the right places. It’s reminding myself I’m only 29. Even 70 year olds don’t have their shit together sometime. It’s not an age thing. It’s a way of living thing.
If you sign up for growth and explaining, you sign up for messy and horrible days of transition and seeing a speck of a light at the end of the tunnel. If you aren’t up for it, that’s okay. Be honest with yourself, then. Don’t expect to a build a castle without getting dirt under your fingernails and concrete in your hair.
Happy transitions
Lee